at work

so I'm at work today... thinking...

That's never a good thing - thinking. I really should just focus on the task at hand, and try to push all the other negative thoughts about where I am, who I'm interacting with and what they have to say about my work out of my head. It used to be that I would take things personally when someone didn't like my design or how I put something together. Its one of those things as a creative person, I had a hard time dealing with.

I had always put a lot of myself into my designs and it was difficult not to take it personally when someone (my boss) would say, I don't like this, this looks wrong, why do we have this here? So as time went on I learned to let those little stings to my ego go. I grew and I took things less personally, knowing that they were not commenting on me, just wanting it to look a certain way for their liking to convey the message the way they wanted to. (One of the perks of being the boss I suppose.)

I've been through 3 bosses now, doing this job for over 8 years and started from scratch in the beginning. I had to learn how to project manage and then how to change from one publication format to another and let's not forget having to learn a new design program. I'm really good at learning on the fly on my own. I have never taken a design class or had any training at all for any of the design programs I've used over the last decade. This is a skill I'm proud of. However, lately I've felt like it has been taken advantage of and it makes me less motivated to really put everything I can into my work. I had stopped taking it personal when others would critique my work, but over the last several months to years, its slowly started to eat at me that my newest boss has found something that needs to be changed on every tiny thing I do.

Maybe I'm just being a baby about it, or maybe I'm totally burned out in my job. I don't know. All I do know is that I'm starting to take it personal again and I'm very sure its not for the same reason I had in the past. This time its different and this time its starting to affect my work negatively and I honestly care less about it.

Time for a change? I think so.

Day ?

Ok, so maybe writing EVERY day was a bit of an undertaking... I had honestly forgotten how busy I can get and that sometimes, just sometimes, I am away from my computer for an entire day or even and entire weekend! I know, shocking right?

Anyway, I'm back! I haven't forgotten this goal of mine and my promise to myself to be more disciplined with my writing. This last weekend was wonderful and super, super busy. We did make it out to Port Townsend for the film festival and spent a little time with my parents and sister. It was a whirlwind of a good time. I came to the realization that being in Port Townsend with Stace always brings me to a calmer place. I was able to relax, if even for a few moments on the beach while skipping rocks and soaking up the vitamin D. While we we sitting on that totally comfortable log in the sand, I started to come up with an idea for a short, quirky story. So, there's always something to look forward to in this little blog of mine. LOL!

Thanks for reading, I certainly hope I am somewhat entertaining, if only for a moment or two while you eat you lunch time sandwich and surf the webs for a little something to pass the time. :)

Have an awesome day!

Day 2

She sits in quiet reflection, the fan blowing warm summer air on the back of her neck. As her eyelids start to feel heavy, she slowly closes them to protect her tired eyes from the rays of sunshine invading her room. She concentrates on the white noise from the fan. It moves back and forth, trying to bring the temperature in the small Capital Hill apartment down to a tolerable level. Her breathing starts to fall in line with the fan's mesmerizing rhythm. Colors start to dance behind her closed eyelids.

Her eyes suddenly open... The neighbors are having a ridiculous conversation outside her window. Bill seems to think you should water the one little patch of grass in the courtyard for at least an hour in this heat, while Diane believes 20 minutes should suffice. Rosemary rolls her eyes and decides to move to a more peaceful room in the apartment. She certainly can't relax with that debate raging on.

The bedroom, although a bit warmer, does shield her from the mind boggling dilemma of grass watering schedules. Now, back to her "homework." The new therapist has a new plan and Rosemary has decided to give it a chance. What the hell, it couldn't hurt. Right? Meditation always sounded so "new age" to her, but whatever would help her get a little sleep and quiet the nightmares was worth a shot...

Day 1

I almost forgot to write today. I was actually not near a computer until now. I have to say it was kinda nice not being stuck in front of a screen all day. I totally got my vitamin D today driving around between press checks. The only sad part is that tonight I have to go back at 11pm for the last 2. Long, boring story.

So, here's my writing for today...

... I am drawing a blank. :P I truly can't think of a thing, other than Stacey totally just cracked me up. She has such a silly sense of humor that I just adore. :)

I have found that with all the lame crap that happens throughout my days at work, I know that when I'm home, I'm at ease. It is truly, honestly the first time in my life I haven't worried about going home. For so long in my past I never knew what kind of drama would be waiting for me at home. Now, I look forward to being home. Our condo is a sanctuary I've never known before and my life is something I enjoy and embrace and cherish so much.

My apologies, I promise this won't become a blog of mushiness. Today is just that kind of day I suppose. :) Tomorrow is sure to be a crazy one, but I'll have more computer time and totally more blogging time. You have to have priorities! :)

Day 0

So, I'm sitting here waiting for ballots to print on the slowest computer known to man... UGH! I hate waiting with nothing to occupy my time. That brings me to this blog. I noticed over the last couple days that my friends and family have started blogging again - wanting to tell people what's going on in their awesome lives. My partner is blogging about her running goals and asking people to help her reach her fundraising goals for Team in Training. She is truly amazing and so giving! I have another friend who just got back from a whole summer in Africa helping students and participating in several social work projects. Very impressive. The final push for me was the latest blog from a friend who has quit her job to pursue her lifetime dream of traveling and becoming a writer through her travels... How inspiring!

So here I am. Blogging for the first time in my life. I suck at talking about myself. I don't think I'm really that interesting. I work for the government, making the local voters' pamphlet and creating ballots. So, I suppose I am a graphic designer of sorts. Not that I went to school to learn anything about how to be one. I was basically thrown into it. You know, like when you get thrown into the deep end of the pool and are then told to swim... The proverbial sink or swim is now swim or die drowning!

The truth is I actually went to school to be a writer. When I was in high school I wanted to write plays and be a director. Then I went to community college and learned how to write scripts. When I finally made it to university I was set on being a writer, taking class after class on different types of writing. My days were filled with literature and writing and reading and writing and listening to other people's writing... and then... I totally burned out on writing and reading and college all together. :( I walked away from it. I had other things going on in my life that helped distract me.

I went on and left that idea behind me. I was in survival mode anyway. I had a turbulent life and instead of taking the time to write about it, I simply tried to survive it.

Now, here I am. It is 10 years after graduation and I am in a much more healthy place in my life. I have found myself searching for direction. I am not happy in my job and I have lost my drive to be physically active... I feel like I lack the motivation to have a goal that I would want to achieve.

So that's it. This was a very long way of saying that this blog is going to be about me committing to the goal of writing every day. It may be about me, it may be a short poem or an idea for a short story. Who knows! You are welcome to join me on this trip through my very strange, complicated, emotional brain. I'm sure there's something in there worth writing about. LOL!

That's all for now...


"be alive"